New Year, New…Something?

Hello everyone!

Are you all ready for the new year? I am pretty sure most of us are READY to bid farewell to 2016. I myself will not miss it one bit. It was definitely a struggle but I made it through, and would like to think I am better for it.

So, today I am contemplating changing the title/theme/vision for the blog.  I love the Mom Chronicle idea in theory but something about it just doesn’t feel right. You know what I mean? Do you ever get that feeling sometimes that, while nothing is necessarily wrong, something just doesn’t quite fit?? Yes?

I feel as though the title forces my readers to focus on the word “Mom”-and, you see, I don’t like that—that’s just not all of what I am and what I want to talk about….sure being a Mom is a MAJOR part of who I am and what I do but that’s just not the entirety of, well, me.

I don’t know, maybe it is the new year making me all…contemplative.

Epilepsy Diagnosis…Now What?

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Any diagnosis of a serious illness is terrifying-even the possibility can scare the crap out of you. In some ways though, I was actually relieved.

No, I am not happy about having epilepsy, however I am so grateful to know what is wrong with me. The first three doctors I went to treated me like it was all in my head-like I was some over dramatic attention seeker. Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a person? It really breaks you down.

Finally when we made it to Jackson and they admitted me right away so they could do tests I was so defeated I cried- I was just so grateful they were willing to actually run tests. Nobody else had. I felt like nobody cared.

As I laid in the testing room after the EEG was completed, with the technician removing the wires from my head, I worried that they wouldn’t find anything. That I would be discharged with more questions than I had when I came in. When the neurologist came in, and told me he found something- l laughed. Yea I was so down and so convinced I’d be turned away with nothing. The relief that washed over me was shocking.

Now as I sit here and wait, counting down the days until I go back to Jackson, I find myself afraid. Yes, I was happy-relieved to get the initial diagnosis but it doesn’t just end there.  More answers are needed, more tests need to be done. I have even more questions. Will I have another seizure even on the meds? What caused my epilepsy? Will I ever be able to drive again? The questions go on and on.

I have no choice but to stay strong, be patient, and keep faith that everything is going to be alright.

I Want

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There is so much that I want this year.

I want to get better.
I want my family to be stable and unburdened with constant medical and financial woes.
I want to be a better mom.
I want to get out of this medical haze and get down on the floor and play with my kids.
I want to make time to do the things I love with them.
I want to read and write more.
I want to cuddle with my husband and watch a movie without the constant discussions of how we’re going to make it through another week.
I want to let go of negativity.
I want to uncover a deeper faith.
I want a truer relationship with God.

I want this year to be filled with success and happiness for us all.

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2015 in Review

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It has certainly been quite some time since I posted anything. I’m sorry for that especially to myself. So much has happened this past year I am not even sure where to begin.

Several months ago my husband  (a truck driver) suffered a back injury that forced him to come off of the road. He has desperately been trying to find work but it has been difficult, to say the least.  We live in a very rural area and any jobs would be 40 miles one way. I tried to help by taking a second job but my health became an issue.

A few months ago I began having episodes at work- after multiple trips to the ER with zero answers Mt husband chose to take me nearly three hours north to one of the most respected hospitals in the state so that I could, hopefully, see a neurologist and get some much needed answers.

While there an EEG was performed and it was determined that I have epilepsy. As overwhelming as that is I am so grateful to have an answer. I was placed on an anti-seizure medication called Keppra-750 MG every 12 hours. For the time being I am not to be left alone for an extended period of time and have been forbidden to drive for a minimum of 6 months from my last seizure.

These restrictions have been very trying-on me, on my husband, and on our children. I was unable to work for several weeks, causing even more financial strain. I’m not going to lie, our family has been under a lot of stress emotionally, medically, and financially. We’ve had to reach out to others for help which has definitely caused a huge blow to both my pride as well as my husbands. By the end of 2015 everything was looking incredibly dark.

But you know what? It wasn’t all bad. In February 2015 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy-though he was 5 weeks early. He is so handsome and fun and full of love and light. He and his brothers and sister mean the world to me. They are the reason why I will never give up, the same can be said for my husband. Failure is not an option.

My husband is doing everything he can to be cleared to go back onto the road and I am doing everything I can to learn how to manage my epilepsy and continue to work safely. It isn’t easy but it is what we have to do.  I refuse to lose our home, I refuse to be defeated by this. Our family is going to come through this surrounded by light and by the end of 2016 we will be stabilized. I know it.

Also, I am eternally grateful to those that have tried to help us and stood by us through everything. Thank you all.

Donate to Help the Dunn Family

Missing You

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I miss my husband. I do. I can’t help it. It will be another two or three weeks before he comes home. I knew this life wouldn’t be easy, I know it is all worth it-but I can’t help but be down sometimes, to feel lonely.

I love our long talks. I hate when we lose cell service. I love our video chats with the kids. I hate the little things he misses. Like one of the kids learning something new.

As hard as it can be, I am so thankful. I am grateful for my husband’s strong work ethic. I am thankful for the stability this career promises our family- I’m grateful for the future we have because of it.

I try my best to stay positive and not let myself get too down. But sometines, I have to let it out. It’s hard, and I miss him. But it’s worth it.

A Busy Sunday Funday

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Good morning all! We have a whole lot going on over the next few weeks including several doctors appointments (some for me, and some for the kids), meetings, and house hunting(we need more room!). Busy busy we are!

Knowing how nuts everything is going to be for a while, I decided this weekend I would use Sunday to get prepared-as best I can anyway. Meal prepping, laundry, and overall household organization are my missions for the day. I spent Friday and Saturday gathering supplies-though I still managed to forget a couple things lol but no worries I will make a run back to the store for the last necessary essentials.

Later I  will be dedicating a whole post to the slow cooker freezer meals I have selected (how-to, supplies, recipes, etc.), and then a post geared toward my household organization, which will include some purging, reselling, and donating.

Very excited to share all of this with you guys! Please stay tuned!

Wisdom Teeth and A New Road

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Well I disappeared for a little while I know. My apologies. For those of you who have kept visiting my page and liking my statuses on facebook and twitter I greatly appreciate it.

I just had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted -not so much fun really, but it did afford me a teeny tiny break from my usual SAHM routine. I got to nap all day afterwards! Woohoo! Yea baby! lol I haven’t done that since I had that horrific stomach flu a few months ago-and that was no picnic. But this little surgery, that was kind of, well, nice. They knocked me out for the removal, and loaded me up with the necessary pain meds to manage once I got home. Honestly, stiffness and some slight swelling is all I have had to complain about post-op. I’m on the mend.

Meanwhile, all of my children are having some sort of evil sinus crud- thankfully no fevers though! Admittedly I am tired but we’re making it, and their cute little runny noses are slowly drying up. My husband has been on the road for over two weeks now and most likely won’t be home for another two at least. I really do appreciate him and all that he does but sometimes I just really wish I could take a break. No kids for a day you know. I love them so much, of course but I’m really wearing down here. Despite my father in law and cousins efforts to help when they can I really feel like I am just drowning in isolation, but this time alone has really given me a chance to reflect on a lot that I have been dealing with, for years now to be honest with you. I am not going to get in to a lot of it right now but I have decided to seek help from my doctor.

I’ve fought against anxiety, attention issues, and hyperactivity since I was a kid. These things have only gotten worse as I have gotten older and had children. I’m finding that I can no longer manage them on my own. I do need help, and after talking to my husband and my mother I am going outside of my comfort zone to talk to my doctor. It’s a start at least. I need to get to the bottom of these issues and learn how to manage them as an adult with children.

I am certain I do not have post partum depression but I know something isn’t right-it hasn’t been right since long before the kids were born. I have had serious reservations about speaking to an outside party-I’m so afraid that I’ll be judged, or labeled, or even scoffed at. I don’t want that but I know that it’s time to talk to someone. Something I probably should have done years ago.

Please bare with me on this new road. I’m not certain what lies ahead but I am positive about my direction. As I learn more about myself I hope that I can share it with all of you and perhaps even help some of those that have been experiencing similar issues.