Self-Sabotage and Laziness


In early May my husband returned to OTR (over the road) truck driving-meaning he drives all over the country instead of just locally. It was a decision we made together-the pay is much better and that’s what our family of 6 needs right now.  Besides, driving is what he loves, it is in his blood-he is from a family of truck drivers and I know he wouldn’t be happy doing anything else.

So we decided he would go back OTR and I would brave parenting four little munchkins all on my own for weeks at a time.  Let me tell you, it is not something for the faint of heart. The chaos can consume you in the blink of an eye.  I had grown so accustomed to my husband coming home between four and five to give me some relief, but now there is no relief, no breaks, no time-outs.  It has been an adjustment to say the least.

Now, I COMPLETELY support my husband and his career. We agreed to do this, and I know just because he isn’t dealing with cranky kids he is still under a lot of stress and what he is doing isn’t exactly the easiest job in the world. It’s rough on the road, but we will both make it.

What I’ve come to realize the past few weeks through my sleep deprived, irritable haze- I am the one making it harder.  Hear me out.  For example, I know the kids are going to wake up between 6 and 7 in the morning, and they will want their milk immediately.  I get up every morning and make their cups of chocolate or strawberry milk as I listen to the distressed whining and crying as if this is the morning I will refuse them their milk. Today is the day!

The entire process is very stressful and rushed and by the time everyone is finally contented and I manage to sit down to nurse my youngest son, I am in a negative state of mind and it isn’t even 7:30 yet.  Why do I put myself through that every morning? How hard would it be to make their cups up and sit them in the fridge the night before? I used to do that with their bottles-why am I giving in to the chaos now? It is lazy.

That being said, how hard would it be to make myself get up at 5:45, or even sooner, just so I could have even a few moments to myself before my little ones wake up. It’s being lazy. What’s fifteen minutes of extra sleep compared to fifteen minutes alone to mentally get myself together for the day?

This whole time I’ve been thinking, this is so hard, without my husband being here. It is just so hard. In reality, I’ve been the one making it harder on myself. Motherhood involves a lot of strategy, especially when there is more than one munchkin running about, and even still you can’t prepare for everything. I haven’t even been trying. I’ve been playing the woe is me game-no wonder everyone has been so cranky.

I know what I can do to make things run, even if only slightly, smoother. It’s time to get off of my butt and do it! The days of self sabotage and laziness are over. I’m just thankful I realized what I was doing before we all went completely nuts.

I know it isn’t the most comforting advice, and many are unwilling to accept it but in the future, in any of your endeavors, when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, try to take a step back, and ask yourself if maybe the problem isn’t in fact, you and how you’re approaching the situation.


13 thoughts on “Self-Sabotage and Laziness

  1. I think a big part of self care is first identifying the issue and then tackling it! Looks like that’s what you’re doing. I hope you can take a couple hours for yourself (somehow!) and recharge a bit (a lot). You’re doing a great job!!!

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  2. You are absolutely right! Too often we blame the chaos, mess, stress, or whatever on circumstances, but really we’re *usually* in control of many things that would make life easier. My oldest is almost 15, and I learned early on that I’d need to get up earlier than the kids if I wanted a shower and coffee (and I’m not human without either of those things!). I’ve been doing it ever since, and it really does make life much easier!

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  3. Everything is trial and error with little ones! What works one day may not work the next. I don’t think you are being lazy, just trying to adjust to the new schedule ! Definitely wake a little earlier, you will get used to the new wake up time and it is heavenly! I started waking up an hour and a half before my kids and I love this time to gather my thought and get the day ahead of me organized without distraction! Hugs to you 🙂

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  4. With Love, I just cannot agree with you.

    Momma, you owe yourself ALL THE BREAKS. You have four kids under 3 years old! Your husband is G-O-N-E! Sure, you could have the milk prepped the night before, you could get up earlier…

    Except that you can’t. Your body and your brain are exhausted from the stimulation of keeping 4 littles alive every day. You aren’t lazy. Lazy people don’t do what you do.

    When my two oldest were under two (fourteen months apart) I have to fess up: I do not remember a lot of that first year. My husband worked four jobs, I was the primary caretaker. All I remember was the constant care-taking, the physical exhaustion, the midnight melt-downs.

    It does get better, it got a lot better for us and it will for you. But I also think it’s ok to accept that this part you’re in right now is HARD AS HELL and you aren’t going to be perfect at it. Much love to you momma.

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  5. TRUTH! I make it harder on myself. I get up an hour or so before my kids everyday to write, tidy up and get breakfast ready. It has helped immensely. I am a serious grumpaluffagus if I don’t have that little bit of quiet time in the morning.

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  6. So true! And my little guy is convinced that the microwave is going to eat his cup of milk, every, morning. So, we stand there and watch it go around and around for 45 seconds so he doesn’t freak out!

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  7. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Mornings are not easy and to have to handle so much with kids makes it even harder. Wishing you & your family best of luck with your husband’s change to being back to OTR.

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  8. I hear you sister!! I don’t have kids, but I always tell myself I’m going to wake up 20 minutes earlier so I can work out 20 minutes earlier and get to work a little earlier. And then I sleep through the first alarm. It happens. Don’t beat yourself up about it. As Randi said, you deserve all the breaks!!

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  9. I also have a husband who is gone often. He is in the military and he has a civilian job that causes him to travel almost weekly. So my heart goes out to you because I know how hard it is to be alone with children. Motherhood is rewarding but some days are tough. There are times when I want to stay in bed all day or run away and hide! So don’t beat yourself up because I’m pretty sure that you are doing much better job than you think.

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  10. Being a mom is not a easy job. You have prepare yourself for the unpredictable. It’s good to see that you have a postive outlook on things, even though it can be stressful. Everything comes with growth and experience, and its good to hear that you’re pushing forward instead of the opposite.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hey, I do think you’re being a little hard on yourself – you’re adjusting to a new situation and you came up with a solution to try, after all! Don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back when you figure each thing out – and good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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