Epilepsy Diagnosis…Now What?

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Any diagnosis of a serious illness is terrifying-even the possibility can scare the crap out of you. In some ways though, I was actually relieved.

No, I am not happy about having epilepsy, however I am so grateful to know what is wrong with me. The first three doctors I went to treated me like it was all in my head-like I was some over dramatic attention seeker. Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a person? It really breaks you down.

Finally when we made it to Jackson and they admitted me right away so they could do tests I was so defeated I cried- I was just so grateful they were willing to actually run tests. Nobody else had. I felt like nobody cared.

As I laid in the testing room after the EEG was completed, with the technician removing the wires from my head, I worried that they wouldn’t find anything. That I would be discharged with more questions than I had when I came in. When the neurologist came in, and told me he found something- l laughed. Yea I was so down and so convinced I’d be turned away with nothing. The relief that washed over me was shocking.

Now as I sit here and wait, counting down the days until I go back to Jackson, I find myself afraid. Yes, I was happy-relieved to get the initial diagnosis but it doesn’t just end there.  More answers are needed, more tests need to be done. I have even more questions. Will I have another seizure even on the meds? What caused my epilepsy? Will I ever be able to drive again? The questions go on and on.

I have no choice but to stay strong, be patient, and keep faith that everything is going to be alright.

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I Want

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There is so much that I want this year.

I want to get better.
I want my family to be stable and unburdened with constant medical and financial woes.
I want to be a better mom.
I want to get out of this medical haze and get down on the floor and play with my kids.
I want to make time to do the things I love with them.
I want to read and write more.
I want to cuddle with my husband and watch a movie without the constant discussions of how we’re going to make it through another week.
I want to let go of negativity.
I want to uncover a deeper faith.
I want a truer relationship with God.

I want this year to be filled with success and happiness for us all.

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2015 in Review

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It has certainly been quite some time since I posted anything. I’m sorry for that especially to myself. So much has happened this past year I am not even sure where to begin.

Several months ago my husband  (a truck driver) suffered a back injury that forced him to come off of the road. He has desperately been trying to find work but it has been difficult, to say the least.  We live in a very rural area and any jobs would be 40 miles one way. I tried to help by taking a second job but my health became an issue.

A few months ago I began having episodes at work- after multiple trips to the ER with zero answers Mt husband chose to take me nearly three hours north to one of the most respected hospitals in the state so that I could, hopefully, see a neurologist and get some much needed answers.

While there an EEG was performed and it was determined that I have epilepsy. As overwhelming as that is I am so grateful to have an answer. I was placed on an anti-seizure medication called Keppra-750 MG every 12 hours. For the time being I am not to be left alone for an extended period of time and have been forbidden to drive for a minimum of 6 months from my last seizure.

These restrictions have been very trying-on me, on my husband, and on our children. I was unable to work for several weeks, causing even more financial strain. I’m not going to lie, our family has been under a lot of stress emotionally, medically, and financially. We’ve had to reach out to others for help which has definitely caused a huge blow to both my pride as well as my husbands. By the end of 2015 everything was looking incredibly dark.

But you know what? It wasn’t all bad. In February 2015 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy-though he was 5 weeks early. He is so handsome and fun and full of love and light. He and his brothers and sister mean the world to me. They are the reason why I will never give up, the same can be said for my husband. Failure is not an option.

My husband is doing everything he can to be cleared to go back onto the road and I am doing everything I can to learn how to manage my epilepsy and continue to work safely. It isn’t easy but it is what we have to do.  I refuse to lose our home, I refuse to be defeated by this. Our family is going to come through this surrounded by light and by the end of 2016 we will be stabilized. I know it.

Also, I am eternally grateful to those that have tried to help us and stood by us through everything. Thank you all.

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