Well I disappeared for a little while I know. My apologies. For those of you who have kept visiting my page and liking my statuses on facebook and twitter I greatly appreciate it.
I just had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted -not so much fun really, but it did afford me a teeny tiny break from my usual SAHM routine. I got to nap all day afterwards! Woohoo! Yea baby! lol I haven’t done that since I had that horrific stomach flu a few months ago-and that was no picnic. But this little surgery, that was kind of, well, nice. They knocked me out for the removal, and loaded me up with the necessary pain meds to manage once I got home. Honestly, stiffness and some slight swelling is all I have had to complain about post-op. I’m on the mend.
Meanwhile, all of my children are having some sort of evil sinus crud- thankfully no fevers though! Admittedly I am tired but we’re making it, and their cute little runny noses are slowly drying up. My husband has been on the road for over two weeks now and most likely won’t be home for another two at least. I really do appreciate him and all that he does but sometimes I just really wish I could take a break. No kids for a day you know. I love them so much, of course but I’m really wearing down here. Despite my father in law and cousins efforts to help when they can I really feel like I am just drowning in isolation, but this time alone has really given me a chance to reflect on a lot that I have been dealing with, for years now to be honest with you. I am not going to get in to a lot of it right now but I have decided to seek help from my doctor.
I’ve fought against anxiety, attention issues, and hyperactivity since I was a kid. These things have only gotten worse as I have gotten older and had children. I’m finding that I can no longer manage them on my own. I do need help, and after talking to my husband and my mother I am going outside of my comfort zone to talk to my doctor. It’s a start at least. I need to get to the bottom of these issues and learn how to manage them as an adult with children.
I am certain I do not have post partum depression but I know something isn’t right-it hasn’t been right since long before the kids were born. I have had serious reservations about speaking to an outside party-I’m so afraid that I’ll be judged, or labeled, or even scoffed at. I don’t want that but I know that it’s time to talk to someone. Something I probably should have done years ago.
Please bare with me on this new road. I’m not certain what lies ahead but I am positive about my direction. As I learn more about myself I hope that I can share it with all of you and perhaps even help some of those that have been experiencing similar issues.